


Beyond the Stars

by Kravitz



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Character Death, Dr Carmillas A+ parenting, F/F, F/M, Graphic Description, M/M, Multi, Neurodivergent Jonny D'Ville, Nonbinary Character, Not complete! More chapters to come!, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, its jonny he'll get better, jonny uses he/they, more to be added - Freeform, nastya rasputina (mentioned) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:36:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27997629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kravitz/pseuds/Kravitz
Summary: A mix of one shots of AngstMainly around Jonny D'Ville because I feel things.Some taken from Old Rps and edited slightly, others just spawned in my brain
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> CW  
> Major Character Death  
> Suicidal thoughts  
> General Carmilla fucking up Jonny  
> Descriptions of Gore  
> (If I've forgotten any please let me know!)

Laid out in his room, on the floor, leaning back against the wall and bleeding out, was Jonny. Their chest teared at, ripped apart, nails and hands caked in blood, just like Carmilla’s had been when she- He weakly shook his head, trying to stop his thoughts from doing down that path as he became more and more delirious. Blood pooling around him and his mechanism in plain view for anyone too see beyond the muscle and flesh. Ivy was on her way. He knew that. Maybe if he could stay alive long enough for her to get there?

By now Ivy was practically running through the hallways. Damn the distance between the archive and everything else. Jonny had asked her to hurry and him asking was already bad enough but from ehat they had told her they were bleeding out and that couldn't be good. They didn't know what he had meant when he said chest but they soon enough would. Just two more hallways and they'd be at Jonnys room, hopefully in time before he died.

Jonny’s vision was starting to blur as they moved their hands up to grasp their chest. Now realising that anyone could _see_ their mechanism. Had to protect it. Couldn’t let them see. Couldn’t let anyone see. Couldn’t let them touch it. Hurt him. His breathing was rattled, difficult to pull in breaths when his lungs were filling with blood.

Ivy barged in through Jonnys door and just.. stopped. Shoked by what they saw. There was so much blood, it was everywhere. And Jonny, with their chest clawed open, caked in blood and gore, a faint glistening of metal through the wet shine of the blood. "Jonny!" She couldn't say much else, just dropped to her knees next to Jonny, feeling the sticky blood seeping, oozing through their clothes, unsure of what to do, of how to help. Jonny would bleed out, that much was sure, they had already lost so much blood, too much, there was nothing Ivy could do but maybe comfort them, trying to make sure it wouldn't be more traumatising than it already was. Jonny would have jumped when ivy came in, but he was too far gone to move, only just able to keep his hands clenched on his chest hiding his heart.

“H-hurts” he mumbled coughing up some more blood, not that it made any difference to the rapidly growing pool of it.

“F-forgot how much... it hurts” Couldn’t let her see. Couldn’t let them see. Couldn’t let anyone see. They can’t see it. They’ll know. They’ll know he doesn’t deserve love. That he never has love. That he can’t have love. They’ll know if they see

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Jonny you.. sometimes you're such a fool." Ivy felt like they were going to cry. Or laugh hysterically. Maybe both. She didn't know whot to do, didn't know how to comfort Jonny, how to tell them it would be okay cause they knew it wouldn't be okay but that's not what Jonny needed. What would Nastya do? Nastya was good at this, so what would she do? Ivy reached out, carefully put their hand on Jonnys and gave it a light squeeze, trying for comforting. Now tears were actually filling her eyes but she had to stay collected, for Jonny. She was the wrong person for this, barely knowing what to do, so they tried to remember every way they had ever seen some of the crew comfort each other, the times she had been comforted by one of them, tried to find something they could do that wouldn't make the situation worse.

Jonny looked up at Ivy, keeping her in his sight, trying to focus on her. On anything but the pain but his heart, anything but Carmilla. He could feel tears falling now as he cried, as he felt himself slipping away again. He knew he wouldnt be alive much longer, and he knew hed have to answer some questions once he was back. But for now he just needed to stop thinking. Had to make sure no one saw his heart. No one saw the brand Carmilla had left on him, marking him as an unlovable person. The crack down the centre of his mechanism, not a malfunction, or his mechanism giving up, not damage. Nothing like that. It was a design feature. Carmilla knew what she was doing with it. Of course she did. Jonnys eyes slipped closed, tears streaking through blood and dirt, as he left himself go finally, mumbling a soft "Thank you" to Ivy.

When Jonny died Ivy started to cry too, still holding his hand. It made no sense for her to react like this, it wasn't the first time someone from the crew had died right in front of her, hell, it wasn't the first time Jonny had died in front of her. But something about this time was too much for her. So she allowed herself the tears for a moment before she went back into action. They'd try to get the bloody shirt off of Jonny but by now the drying blood and gore had caked it so badly that this wouldn't be possible. So instead she gently pulled away Jonnys hands from his chest, folding them in his lap, and tried to get at least as much fabric out of the wound as possible before it really started to heal. As she was doing this she saw it. Jonnys mechanism. It looked like a mixture between an anatomical heart and the common depiction of one. And it had a crack down the middle. Knowing Carmilla that wasn't a mistake, not his mechanism being damaged. Knowing Carmilla this had been done on purpose, to send a message. One that even she understood. It made her own heart hurt to see it. It felt so utterly wrong. Because it was. It was wrong. She had the feeling she should tell the crew or at least Nastya but Jonny had tried so hard to hide it even when he was about to die that she realised he wouldn't want that. So instead they continued cleaning out the wound. When Ivy was done she gently pushed the messy strands of Jonnys hair from their forehead, leaving a slight smear of blood before pressing her own forehead against his.

"Your secret is safe with me." She said quietly before standing up and leaving, closing the door behind to let Jonny regenerate in peace.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonny has a bad day, which lead to an even worse meal time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW  
> Autistic breakdowns  
> Self harm  
> Mention of suicide   
> TS being given orders  
> Panic attacks (?)

Jonny slumped back down in his chair staring at the pancakes in front of him. He was overwhelmed. Everything was too much right now and he just couldn’t stand to be here. With everything going on already, the smell the noise, the fact he could taste the pancakes with out even eating them. 

He stared at the pancakes even longer, trying not to hyperventilate. He didn’t know how to get out of this. Looking at Ivy he knew he wouldn’t be able too.   
She'd been the one to threaten him to come out and eat, to actually spend some time with the crew, and as much as he wanted to he hadn't been able to say no. They had a feeling he would pay for that soon. 

Ivy shoved a fork into his hands, he instinctively clutched at it and... Jonny instantly felt wrong. It wasn’t the right fork. He had his own forks. This one wasn’t right. It was wrong. It was strange. It wasn’t his.   
The second it dawned on him Jonny dropped the fork, and let out a shout, curling in on himself and pulling at his hair.

Ivy realized what the issue was a split second too late. Jonny was always very particular about his things. She had a few suspicions as to why but they weren't her place to share. And she had fucked up. Again. And she had done so royally this time. She had gone and grabbed forks for Jonny, Marius, and herself cause there really didn't seem to be a way to get out of this without eating at least a bit. She didn't know how but she had mixed up the forks. Everyone more or less had their own but most didn't care if they had someone else's. Except for Jonny and her. So Ivy had made the effort to actually keep them separated. And fucked up. The only explanation she had right now was that the aftermath of her breakdown still had her in its clutches more than she thought. But the reason didn't matter. What mattered was that she was still snapping at everyone and angry and murderous and so incredibly out of it and that scared her. And now it had come back at her. She had fucked up worse than she thought possible. Unsure of what to do, Ivy just stood there in shock, having dropped the forks. She was so incredibly sorry and she had no idea what to do, scared of making everything even worse.

Nastya wasn’t sure what had happened at first, acting on pure instinct when seeing Jonny was hurt. When she saw the forks, she realized. “Jonny, you’re okay.” She said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

Jonny flinched away from the touch, giving out another shrill shout as he fell off his chair and backed away. Ending up under the table, knees pulled to his chest and shaking. His hands where out of his hair now, but he had managed to pull quite a few strands out, now falling onto the floor. His hands having moved, gripping his forearms. 

Forearms that now had scratches along them. Some deeper than others, and all bleeding leaving blood to dry under Jonny nails.

Ivy's brain was running at what felt like a million miles an hour. It was probably something close to that if she was being honest. They couldn't leave Jonny alone, not like this, not here, under no circumstances but they also couldn't just stay here. That would also just make everything worse too. Lesser evil. Whatever they did had to be the lesser evil. Nastya could probably stay with Jonny. That could work. Jonny trusted her. While that thought crossed her mind Ivy watched as Nastya got visibly upset and left, presumably heading for the bridge. That was bad. Very bad. Now the decision for the least horrible option had to be made. Jonny was deteriorating and that quickly. She made a decision. "Toy Soldier, stay here and make sure Jonny doesn't kill himself and if he orders something different that order is invalid. Everyone else, get the fuck out. NOW!"

Jonny flinched again as he heard Ivy shout, shuffling further under the table. Still scratching at his arms and letting out a small sob.

He couldn't get the words to leave his mouth, the only sounds half chocked back sobs and gasps of breath as it got harder and harder to breathe. 

The last thing he remembered before his vision went dark was the concerned look on Toy Soldiers painted face. And all he felt was shame.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> M o r e l i k e f l u f f y i s h t o d a y
> 
> J o n n y t h i n k s a b o u t p r o n o u n s 
> 
> T W   
>  B r e i f p a n i c 
> 
> \- F O G

Jonny glanced down at his phone. Sending off a message to Nastya in the group chat and letting her know he was on his (their?) way.   
Stopping at the door before pushing it open, Jonny took a moment to gather his thoughts. He knew Nastya wouldn't judge him. He knew the crew wouldn't judge him. But there was a difference between knowing and knowing. 

Of course he knew. But did he know? It was all too complicated to think about. He didn't want to think about it. Not really. But he knew he had too. 

They. He. Xem? She? No. Not she. He blanched at the thought. Feeling sick. He didn't know why there was such an adverse reaction to that. But that could be figured out later.   
That he couldn't do and he knew it. Felt sick at the thought of someone calling him that. At someone thinking he was a girl. He couldn't. He couldn't. 

He pushed away his thoughts again and stepped through the door. Smiling at Nastya and giving a wave.   
“Hey”

Nastya had been reading. Still feeling upset from the last fight with Tim, but she was aiming to beat that, when she heard Jonny.   
“Hey”   
She smiled and marked her place before patting the space beside her.   
“Close the door if you'd like” 

Without thinking Jonny closed the door. He wasn't ready for anyone else to know yet. And he certainly wasn't ready for them to find out unless it was him telling them. He moved forward, wringing their(?) hands nervously before sitting down. 

“I um…. I don't know. If I’m just a guy?” He mumbled quietly, half hoping Nastya didn't hear, half praying she did.   
“And I feel like I have to tell you because your my little sister and we’ve been through so much and you deserve to know.”   
They were speaking faster now. The words leaving their mouth before they could even think about what he was actually saying. Before he could change his mind and back out. 

Nastya listened to him, nodding as she did. She put her book aside and shifted to where she was facing Jonny.   
“You don't have to tell me anything, but… I’m glad you did. I’m glad you feel like you can come to me.”  
She put a hand on his arm, a way to ground him.   
“And that's Okay Jonny. It's not too late to realise you aren't just a boy. I support you. We support you.” She smiled softly.   
“Do you want to try any other pronouns?”

“Maybe. They/them seems right… i just”  
He paused, taking a breath as the fear settled in again.   
“Just…not she. I. I can't. I can't do that. And i. I don't know why. It it doesn't just feel wrong, it scares me.”  
They scrambled to grab at something to keep them grounded, holding on tight to Nastya’s hand, onto his leg, nails digging into his thigh, leaving marks, and into her wrist. 

He couldn't. He didn't know why but they couldn't it hurt to think about it. Like. Like something bashing in the back of their head when they tried to think about why they hated it so much.   
Was this what dysphoria was like? They don't know. But if it was, he didn't think he could deal with this day in day out. 

The next thing Jonny knew he was slowly being pulled towards someone, and was wrapped up in a heavy blanket and cold arms. It was at this point he realises there were tears down his face as they tried to get their breathing even, listening to the soft voice “breathe Jonny. Its okay, just breathe”   
They recognised the voice as Nastya’s and let themselves follow the instructions.   
He would be okay. It would be fine. Nastya was with them and everything was going to be okay

“You’re okay Jonny. You’re okay. I promise.”  
She kept muttering, knowing that right now she was the only thing keeping them grounded and not having a full blown panic attack that would send him spiralling for weeks and unable to deal with day to day life. Nastya had seen enough of them from Jonny to know the warning signs as they came along, even long before anything could happen.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one has a bit more plot behind it that I might end up actually writing up at some point?   
> Its the interaction between Jonny and Brian that ended up with him like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW  
> Alcohol  
> talk of death   
> threats of death  
> Suicidal thoughts (minor)  
> let me know if i missed any

Nastya walked briskly to Jonnys room, putting her hair up as she walked. She didn't mind drinking, of course. It was just a matter of Jonny drinking himself to death whenever he had the chance. She knocked twice before entering. "Jonny, I-" she stopped when she saw the half empty bottle, the cup on the table, and Jonny, red faced. She sighed and crossed her arms. "How much?"

Jonny had quickly downed two cups when nastya has said she was outside. And when she walked in he looked anywhere but at her.  
“Just a little” he mumbled. Slightly buzzed since. It was ya know. Two cups. Of. Vodka.

Nastya sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. She grabbed the open bottle and took a swig before grabbing the unopened one. "I am taking these, and hiding them from you."

Jonny finally looked up and her with a pout. Cheeks slightly flushed from the alcohol and eyeliner smudged from a day of wearing it.

Nastya gave him a sweet smile. "It's for your own good, Jonny. You're lucky I don't shoot you."

Jonny just frowned more and crossed his arms over his chest. Mumbling under his breath.  
“Whatever nots like I can stay dead anyway”

Nastya gave him a look. "I know. But we love you. We want to have you around." She came closer to him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing softly.

Jonny just kept his eyes trained on the floor, following the grooves in it. He felt nastyas hand on him and leant into her instinctively.  
“Stupid... you shouldn’t”

Nastya took in a slow breath. She pulled her hand away for a moment to put the bottles of vodka down. "You're my best friend, Jonny. You know that, right?" She put her hand back on his shoulder.

“Only cuz we had to be” he mumbled “only cuz we had to be there for each other cuz of her” despite this he continued to lean into her and smile a little

"Is it odd to say I'm glad?" She said softly. "I'm glad that you were with me." She pulled him into a hug. "Without you, I don't know where I would be."

As he pulled out of the hug he heard his phone go off and checked it. Eyes widening when he saw who the message was from. He opened it. Purely on autopilot. And his breath stopped in his chest as he read it.  
“I- it’s Brian. He wants to talk... oh god” his breathing sped up more as he thought about what could happen. About Brian shouting more. About the others hearing and agreeing with him. About them seeing what Brian saw. Seeing what he was.

Nastya's eyes widened slightly. "Jonny, it's okay. I repaired him, and he said he just wants to talk to you and apologize. I promise that's all." She gave him a comforting smile. "It's okay."

“W-what do you mean? Repaired him?” He was still breathing too fast but was looking at nastya in confusion, some tears gathering in his eyes

"His switch. It was broken, but I was able to repair it." She rolled her sleeves up, starting to feel anxious. "It's okay. Like I said I was able to fix it."

“His.. his switch? W-when did it break?” He was slowly piecing things together but didn’t want to assume. It would just be his luck that Brian would say those things and then get his switch broken.

Nastya took a breath and crossed her arms, thinking. "Ah... I'm unsure. Sometime recent, before he died?" She said, one hand taking her hair down. The weight made her feel better.

Jonny’s eyes widened some more as he made the connection. “Was. Was it when he was found in the kitchen?”

"It might have been. I am unsure." She shifted her weight to one leg. "Why?"

“That’s... that’s when I shot him... and he he said some things... I.” Jonny let his head fall into his hands. “Fuck. Maybe. Maybe he didn’t mean it?”

Nastya's eyes widened. "Oh! Yes, I don't think he had meant it." She nodded, a smile spreading across her face. "See? It's okay."

Jonny let a few of the tears fall as he smiled a little, “he. He didn’t mean it.” He pulled nastya into a hug and held on tight.

Nastya let herself be pulled into the hug. She wrapped her arms around him and instantly relaxed. With every one else, it took her a moment to relax. With Jonny or Aurora, it was natural. She smiled. "Good."

Jonny hummed a little and mumbled a small “thank you” and when he said it. He knew it was for everything. Every little thing Nastya had done for him in their stupidly long time as family.


End file.
